Earning time for ourselves

and why that notion gives me the ick

My phone buzzed on the desk next to my half drunk coffee cup.

‘Babe, i’ve got another ticket for Pygmalion press night tonight at the Old Vic, you wanna come?’

The text from my friend yesterday lunchtime.

My immediate thought, ‘Oooh that sounds fun’. Closely followed by ‘But i’m out tomorrow night and then away all weekend, I better not.’

I shook off the cloak of societal conditioning that had shrouded me and text my husband.

Because although I knew I didn’t need his permission, I did need someone to have the kids, feed them their tea and put them to bed. Plus we’re a team and I’d be spitting feathers if he just agreed to do something last minute and didn’t let me know!

Although we are a lot further on in the conversation that even our own mothers were, there is still this viewpoint niggling at the back of our minds that time for ourselves must be earnt.

How many times have you said to yourself:

‘Once I’ve finished that piece of work, i’ll have a coffee’,

‘Once I’ve sorted the kids breakfasts out, i’ll sort mine’,

‘Once i’ve earnt x amount of money i’ll give myself an afternoon off.’

It’s such bullshit! Each time that we say this to ourselves we are reinforcing the idea that we aren’t worth taking time for, just as we are.

That somehow we aren’t worthy unless we are doing and achieving and giving to others.

But it’s not our fault, from the minute we are born society tells us we have to achieve in order to get praised and rewarded. That we must always strive for more and to be better. And do you know what it’s not only exhausting but it’s complete bollocks.

I worked my butt off for years in my previous career, was the absolute best at what I did and still it wasn’t enough.

Is it any wonder we’re all burnt out husks of our former selves?

And when you add being the ‘best’ mum on top of that too. Well let me tell you it’s a recipe for disaster. I know because I lived it.

By carving out daily time for you, no matter how small, you are reinforcing the belief that you ARE ENOUGH just as you are.

And should you choose to take that time for you in the garden, to create a space that fills your heart with joy then i’m right there with you!

Now, I must include a caveat here, I use rewards (creamy, hot coffee, indulgent home cooked lunch, an afternoon in the garden alone') to motivate me to do stuff. Because my ADHD means I procrastinate on a frustrating amount of things, so I use the dopamine hit of rewards to get me to take action!

But I am very clear that time to myself daily, even if it’s just 5 minutes, is a non-negotiable. And in fact I take that 5 minutes in the garden as soon as I am back from the school run, so I can’t get sucked into the day to day and forget about it!

Do you wanna try it with me? Reply in the comments or by email and lets do it!

This weeks mindful gardening activities should give you some inspiration and prevent that ‘now what the hell am I doing out here’ moment that can happen when you don’t have a plan.

Or if you want me to help you create a bespoke plan for your garden so you never have to have that time sucking thought again, then hit reply and lets chat about working together 1:1.

I know you’re here because you want to create a garden full of joy, colour and wildlife. Somewhere you can go to relax and reconnect, to laugh with friends or to play and hunt for bugs with the kids.

But my darling, you need to take action to make it a reality. I’m here to support you with my plant and gardening knowledge and help you find your creativity and gardening confidence.