How to fail and then move on when you're a highly sensitive person

NB It's not a quick process and I certainly didn't get it right

I felt the excitement bubbling as I ripped back the cardboard box to reveal the 4 cover designs that I’d painstakingly chosen with my Instagram audience’s help.

I had only sold a fraction of the number that i’d had to order so that the printing costs made sense, but I had a dream to get simple mindful gardening activities into the hands and gardens of more women and I was going to do it!

Until I didn’t……….

In classic ADHD style once I’d actually made the thing, the shine of promoting it wore off, even though I knew how transformational it was for so many who had already bought it.

It became a bit of a millstone round my neck and so once 2022 was well underway and I knew that no one would be wanting to buy a planner dated 2022 in June I stored the remaining copies away under my desk and did my best to forget about them.

Except I couldn’t. Not only were they getting in the way every time I tried to cross my legs under the desk but I also knew the gold they contained couldn’t just sit there rotting away.

Roll on the summer of 2023 and I’d heard whisperings of a cool new writing platform called Substack. I initially thought that I’d just move my email list over and write about topics that interested me (gardening, mindfulness, motherhood, life as a woman) and if people were interested they’d stick around, read my words and share them with their friends.

But as is common with my brain, the more I started to consume other people’s content on Substack, the more an idea began to grow in my mind.

I could take the mindful gardening activities stored within the pages of those many, many planners that would never see the light of day and deliver them in bite sized chunks to the women who needed them the most. The women who were desperate to get out in their garden regularly to quiet their minds, connect with nature and with themselves, but who found themselves standing in the garden thinking what on earth should I be doing in my garden right now.

So that’s what I did, I added a paid tier and for less than £1 a week I offered women the chance to get out of their heads and into their bodies in the garden with my guidance.

But I wasn’t always so good at adapting, and if i’m really honest licking my wounds for a year couldn’t exactly be described as fast, but growing plants and my garden had taught me that there isn’t just one route to what you want in life.

I have tried for nearly 10 years to grow delphiniums from seed and have never once managed it. Does that mean I can’t have delphiniums in my garden, no it does not. I can buy plug plants, fully grown plants and sometimes even they get totally decimated by slugs.

My garden has taught me to let go of control of how you get to the end point. Try lots of different things and see what works, enjoy the journey and you’ll find your way eventually.

I think as we head into 2024 i’m finally ready to get rid of the physical copies. You have no idea how many times i’ve beaten myself up about the fact that I made them dated, but life is too short to be constantly down on yourself.

I’m thinking about having a ceremonial burning of them to signal to the universe i’ve made space to receive the exciting opportunities coming my way this year. But in all likelihood i’ll probably procrastinate on that for too long and just end up recycling them!

If you are done procrastinating over getting going in your garden because you are worried about failing, despite knowing that you really want to start spending time out there so you can feel better and carve out some space for you, then upgrade to paid today.

I’ll be right here to support you when you fail, because you will. But with my support and guidance we’ll get you back in the garden and trying a new route to get you and you garden where you want to be.

Kendall x

p.s. you getting in the garden is important because levels of burnout are still rising year on year and society and the government seem determined to do fuck all about it. So i’m urging you to take the power back and do something about it yourself. One seed, one plant and one 5 minute mindful gardening session at a time.