Why I'm no longer waiting for permission and neither should you be
IWD Siren Songs
Hi darling, I’m Kendall, a horticultural therapist. Here on my Substack, I share tips on how to use your garden to grow your personal power in a world that tries to keep women stuck, exhausted & burnt out. Come grab your trowel and join the rebellion, we’ve got a patriarchy to dismantle.
Welcome to the Seed, the place where we learn to resource ourselves in the garden so that we can unlock more joy in our lives.
‘Thank you for my dinner, please may I get down from the table’.
A phrase that still haunts me to this day, not least when my mum insists my girls repeat it before they are allowed to get down.
I get it, it’s good manners and we all want nice polite children don’t we?
Honestly, I’m not sure that I do, not if it’s at the expense of them taking actions in their lives that could propel them towards happiness anyway.
For as long as i can remember I’ve had it drummed into me that I have to ask politely for what I’d like and wait for someone else to say I can have it. Pick and mix at the cinema, a part in a musical at school, a job, time for myself in the garden just so I can hear myself think.
And heaven forbid as a woman you should say you want something, oh no you have to say you’d ‘like it’. Because somehow wanting something is just too strong. It conveys a level of power that freaks people out.
But by not boldly stating what it is that we want and waiting for permission to go after it, we are outsourcing that power to others and it’s keeping us stuck, exhausted and burnt out.
Let this Siren tell you, there gets to be another way.
I’m done waiting for the green light, the go ahead, the approval of others who consider themselves more powerful than me.
Now I know my power, I’ve cultivated it as I’ve grown my garden and I want to help you to do the same.
I’m not sure when I stopped asking for permission and started to go after the things I wanted. Maybe it was the crippling burnout episode I experienced in my 20’s, or once I became a mother and I could feel myself sinking deeper and deeper into the abyss of wondering who the hell I was now. Either way I know my ability to ask for what I want is impacted by my mood, my hormones and by how incensed I am at the world.
There are days when I feel like I can capture the moon and there are days filled with such crippling self doubt that I feel unable to write a single word or even ask my husband to help me get the kids dressed for school. Because, I just haven’t got the bandwidth to negotiate with my toddler over wearing her coat on a freezing cold day.
But today I feel emboldened. So I’m no longer waiting for permission from a big TV company to give me my own gardening TV show.
I’m going to create it myself. It’s gonna be rough and ready, no fancy production or camera angles (until I get myself an aligned sponsor anyway. Those suitable apply within.)
And it’s gonna be co-created with you right here on Substack.
I know you’re busy, but I also know you want to learn how to grow things in your garden. So I want you to ask me your questions all about ‘How to get started in your garden’ and i’ll share the tools and tricks i’ve learnt in my 15 years of gardening and crucially how you can do it whilst juggling work, kids and all the other responsibilities women in their 30’s and 40’s have.
For this first episode (Tuesday 11th March at 12.30pm UK time) I’m opening the opportunity to ask questions to you all, please do so in the comments below.
For future episodes only paid members of the Seed will get my access to my gardening brain for their gardening queries. Because boundaries are key in conserving our energy to go after what we want in life.
The current gardening media just does not cater for women doing all the things and who may only be able to carve out 5 minutes for themselves to get in the garden. We’re gonna change that together.
Episodes will be no longer than 20 minutes so you can listen on the school run, on your commute to work or watch while you have your lunch or a cuppa in the sunshine.
It’s gonna be live (goddess help me) but I want it to be a place where we can connect and chat and you can feel supported in your gardening endeavours and there’s no better way to do that than live. Plus there’ll almost certainly be fuck ups which will just add to the entertainment right?!
So on this International Women’s day I want to know, what are you done waiting for permission for?
Let me know in the comments and lets start a ripple of women claiming what they want in life without having to wait for approval.
If you’re not sure what it is that you want and let me tell you, there were times in my life when I couldn’t even decide what I wanted for dinner- such was the level of exhaustion and apathy I was experiencing.
I have an exercise for you to try.
Creating a ‘Wants list’
Take a pen and paper, a hot drink if you so desire and head out into the garden.
Close your eyes and let your mind wander.
Let your mind tell you what it really wants. These things can be material items (green and blue ombre Louis Vuitton Keepall bag- yes please), they can be feelings (free, supported and happy), they can be experiences (learn how to paint flowers or do embroidery), they can be based on time for yourself (20 minutes in the garden every day).
Pretty much ANYTHING you could want. Don’t censor yourself or get caught up in the minutiae of how you’re gonna get the thing.
Now take your pen and starting each line with the phrase ‘I want….’ write one want per line.
Keep writing until all your ideas are out.
Now choose one thing you want where you can cast permission aside and go after what you want. It might look messy and imperfect (a la Adventures with Flowers TV), but the point is you’re taking action towards it.
Come and share it with us in the comments if you feel called to and let’s start getting you taking action towards what you want.
If getting started in your garden is the thing you’re no longer waiting for permission for then I have something super special ✨ to share with you.
On pre-sale for the next 48 hours exclusively to the Seed community.
Come and join The Great Garden Rebellion. The 5 foundational steps you need to get started in your garden. So that you can know exactly what to plant and where to plant it so your garden thrives and you never waste another £ on plants that won’t survive.
Come and join us for 20 minutes a day across 5 days for just £33 when you book your spot before 11.11am on Monday 10th March 2025.
Have you got a border that could do with some love, or perhaps you’ve got a brand new area that you’d love to fill with gorgeous plants?
Come and learn what plants and colours to include to boost your mood and improve your wellbeing.
A Great Garden Rebellion, oh yes! I'm not much of a gardener myself, but I've felt the urge in the past few days to buy seeds and start thinking about what to grow this year, which until now I've left to my husband. I love that you're creating your own garden TV show – it reminds me of a few writers I know who have decided to self-publish, rather than wait for approval from the gatekeepers.
Looking forward to your TV show! Your post reminded me of a phrase that was repeated to me often as a child - "I want never gets" 🙄